Day 7

I haven't been able to write anything because of my school schedule and my internet was unexpectadley down for two days. Luckily, no nightly outstanding symptoms appeared and no new additions to my food & body log within the past few days. Just the norm. (Luckily...)

Today I had to teach 2nd graders how a community works. It was a full school day session comprised of 5 separate main points/lessons. I was a little nervous at first. Kids are always a handful. You never know what to expect when it comes to little ones. They never cease to surprise me. I'm glad I had a partner there to help control the flow of things. The kids were pretty interactive and seemed to throughly enjoy what we were teaching them. Everything was fluid and they were so amazingly adorable. Our school was given this opportunity through a program called Junior Achievement. I had a good idea of how to handle them because I worked with a youth tennis camp over the summer. It definitely beat AP US History and Physics....

I've had this lost feeling for awhile, like I'm floating in a sea of nothing. I'm just tired of the monotony of going to school every day, listening to imitations of insipid convos, and acting as if it's all interesting to me. It's gotten to the point where I'm so used to putting on this facade that when I actually meet someone in school that I like I'm so stunned that I don't even know what to say. I'm hidden and it has been the death of a great amount of my out-of-school relationships. Outside of school, with authentic friends, I'm free to be who I am and I take full advantage of that. As soon as I step inside those huge welded doors, I confine my true self and someone else emerges. That someone else isn't a horrible person or anything, it just isn't me. I only let out tidbits of who I really am to the golden few I've met. What's wrong with me...

Ugh, maybe it's just me. I need to branch out and just express myself. Release those oppressive shackles and run around emotionally naked, without that huge mental barrier I've built over the years.

Screw it, I'll be me for a change. ;)

Food & Body Log Time:

12:35 AM -2 vanilla creme cookies
- One slice of pizza

3:30 PM - Cup of french vanilla coffee with skim milk

4:00 PM - Starburst Gummi...thingies.

6:50 PM - Lasagna

Miscellaneous Stuff Time:

I'm super tired. After the JA thing I walked around with a friend. My feet are dead.

Flats are evil.



Took a pocket knife from a little kid on the bus today.


My buddy Navraj kept winning the lottery.




Hmm...what should I write.

I feel broadway deprived. Hope I can go and see something with Jason or Alex.

I have to make a phone call tonight explaining why things sometimes naturally have to end...it's going to be tough.

Day 3

Day 2 Reflection: Yesterday was pretty chill. I didn't get to go to practice but I slept for an astounding 7 (SEVEN) full hours. I didn't wake up and walk around in the dark or throw the covers off because they felt stifling or use my phone to look around for 2 hours in complete darkness. Ha, that was quite an accomplishment. My ankles throbbed and my fingers were fatter than normal, but nothing alarming occurred. I could walk. I could text. I could smile. Maybe I just felt good about myself because I ended the night with great conversation. ;). Thanks, Alex. Who knows, but it's a rare moment amid the anguish when I'm able to say I was truly happy yesterday.

I've been thinking about the beginning. The true beginning of all of this and how it has progressively worsened over time. The first signs of something wrong sprung up 2-3 months ago. I had just gotten over a cold and my face along with my nail beds had begun to feel like they were being pricked with a thousand little needles. After about a week of dealing with the continual faux acupuncture I was thoroughly annoyed and started to complain to my mum. She responded by taking me to our doctor. Doc took a few good minutes of evaluation, diagnosed the pain as an allergic reaction, prescribed me antibiotics and anti-itch meds, and gave me a lollipop.

Three weeks later and the itchy face and nail beds are gone, but now I was getting little red spots all over my hands every night. I wasn't familiar with hives at the time so I thought I was dying or something. I quickly googled the mysterious red pockmarks and relaxed. They were only on my hands and only appeared at night. I thought they'd stop coming altogether over time. As time went on I started to notice large, red, raised patches on my legs. They stung and made it one hell of a task to sit down.

They must have gotten over their "shy" phase because they're rather bold now. Though it's mostly a nocturnal occurrence, it still makes it hard to enjoy the simple things throughout the day. I wake up with no marks but depending on the severity of the night before my skin can still be very sensitive and raw. It's only harder because it's not only affecting my skin but also my muscles. I'll wake up and can't move my wrist or knee or shoulder for most of the day.

I'm just fed up. Did I mention there's some kind of hard lump in my neck? I should probably get it checked out. I'm hoping it's just the cause of an infection due to the antibiotics I was on or benign cyst at worst. I'm seriously NOT up for cancer.

How long will it take for whatever this is to start messing with my mind too?

Food & Body Log Time:

11:00 AM - Soy patty (courtesy of my loving grandmother)

12:30 PM - Cup of tea sweetened with sugar & 1% skim milk.

1:32 PM - Grapes (Seedless, thankfully)

2:27 PM - Mac & Cheese (Chef Jovine)

4:41 PM - Slice of apple crumb pie (ugh, gross!)

4:51 PM - Cup of pineapple flavored Fanta soda

6:30 PM - Cup-a-noodle soup (Sodium-filled. =X. Could the salt be it?)

9:10 PM - First sign of hives on both forearms & face.
- Pain in right elbow & ankles.
- Rough night ahead?

11:00 PM - Left hand middle finger swollen
- Began watching The Silence of the Lambs with Lacey ! :).

Miscellaneous Stuff Time:

Jovine's friend Janae came over around 2 PM to work on a school project or something. She's still here. Looks like she's going to spend the night. Great...

Haha, watched RuPaul's Drag Race on LOGO with my mum and she complained about me having her watch all of these gay shows.

Queer goodness.

I was really looking forward to actually stepping outside and going to the movie theater to see Shutter Island.

Someone sparked my museum craving once again. I miss art.

Why do people cheat so terribly? They never get away with it on Cheaters.

Started a new book, "Giovanni's Room" by James Baldwin.

I probably should proofread this....oh well. It's late.

Day 2

Day 1 Reflection: Besides the not being able to walk situation, it wasn't that bad. I've had worse nights. The pain was bearable. I could text, which is always and forever a plus :). There weren't that many hives on my hands or arms. They were mostly concentrated on my legs. My arms were capable of flailing motions. If I got thirsty I could have yelled for one of those other kids my mother had. I got more sleep than the night before. Hope tonight is better. Tennis on Fridays at Queens College...I'd really like to play.

In those moments after I just wake up from a fitful, useless, 3-hour sleep, I think. Since last night was one of those nights, I silently gazed into the darkness and patiently waited for the thoughts to begin flowing. The topic of last night was, surprisingly, shoes. The high-heeled kind. I tried to think about what kind of pain would be similar to what I was feeling at that moment and could only think about women who stomp on the hard pavement of Manhattan's busy streets daily wearing high heels.

Though these shoes are aesthetically beautiful, structurally magnificent, and ridiculously expensive, they're foot death traps. I just can't seem to get over how painful they must be if someone were to walk all day in them. They weren't created for comfort, they were created for show. I guess it's art, tragically painful but beautiful art. My inner NYC Walstreet business woman is drawn to them, but until that time comes...I'm playing it safe with my trusty Converses.

The pain wasn't bad when I woke up this morning. I was a little wobbly on my feet since they were still swollen.

Food & Body Log Time:

11:00 AM - Honey Comb Cinna-Graham cereal. No milk this time.

11:25 AM - Made a sandwich using 2 slices of soft honey wheat bread, mustard, turkey cold cuts.
-Ended up rethinking the turkey and used sharp white cheddar cheese instead.
-Best decision I made all day.

12:19 AM - Edy's Lemonade fruit bar thingy.

6:19 PM - First sign of hives on face.
- A few on upper back/ shoulders.

6:28 PM - Polly-O Cheesestick
- DDR with my little sis.

6:50 PM - Dole Mandarin Oranges in light syrup.

8:04 PM - Minor pain in ankles.
- Feet still swollen from the night before.

10:10 PM - 2nd cup of black tea sweetened with regular sugar and soy milk.
- First around 9:30 PM
-Cheesestick

Miscellaneous Stuff Time:

I really miss Gil Grissom (William Petersen) from CSI. Laurence Fishburne just can't compete.

The apples they sell at many of the supermarkets in Queens suck and taste dreadful.

Should have drank coffee today. It's only 8 and I'm feeling tired.

Why do people like to start arguments and then get mad at you for arguing?

Mobilizing It

Just testing out how my blackberry works when I feel like blogging useless nothings on the go. ;)

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Day 1

First entry! Ugh. Alright, so my mum has been pestering me about starting a food log to help determine what I'm suddenly allergic to. It's just tedious to have to record everything you eat onto a piece of paper so I kept putting it off. I guess the nightly pain I'm afflicted with finally got to me after a month and a half of enduring its crap. It was in full force last night. My legs were covered in hives. The index finger on my right hand was swollen, resembling a grape (one of those large ones you have to bite in half to get the seeds out). My left arm was practically useless which made texting on my blackberry complicated. I was really tweaked about that =/. Oh, and my right cheek kinda looked like the girl who woke up with 56 stars tattooed on her face.

Hmm, I guess I got over the whole feeling sorry for myself thing and decided I needed to take action. It's messing up my ability to text! I'm hoping this blog will help me stick with the food log. I'll explain and post pics as time goes by.

...There's also a strange hard lump on the left side of my neck about 3 inches above my collarbone that strangely appeared 3 weeks ago. Related to the allergies or just some kind of infection or a cyst or ...something more serious?

Food & Body Log Time:

11:11 AM - Bowl of Cinna-Graham Honey Comb cereal w/ 1% skim milk.
- Everything is magically gone, unsurprisingly.
- Arms were a bit itchy this morning, as always. Probably just an after effect of the night before.

12:09 AM - Made myself a cup of coffee sweetened with 3 tablets of Splenda and a plop of regular soy milk.

12:14 AM - Polly-O cheesestick (which was mildly satisfying).

2:30 PM - No sign of those evil hives.
- Still itching.

2:38 PM - Couldn't stop itching so I tried to take a HYDROXYZINE tablet my doctor prescribed but failed and spit it up instead.
- Put hydrocortisone cream on itchy areas (upper arms, lower back).

3:30 PM - Wrist and ankle a little itchy.

4:46 PM - More coffee but this time 2 splenda tablets and a plop of soy milk.

5:30 PM - First sign of hives on upper outer left thigh and lower part of inner right thigh.
- Upper arms red and still itchy.

6:46 PM - Hives now on both legs on my inner calves. Slight cramp-like feeling in both bottom legs.

7:30 PM - Butterscotch custard pudding thingy.

8:47 PM - I went downstairs around 8 and got up to greet my mum. Could barely walk up the stairs.
- Pain has progressed to my ankles and rendered me practically immobile for the rest of the night.
- Oh joy!

9:00 PM - At least my mother brought home pizza. :)

9:54 PM - Made it downstairs in 5 minutes.
- Mother and I noticed a huge swelling lump on the upper part of my foot.
- Looks like this is how the horrid night ends.
- Maybe I'll get some sleep :). Maybe.

Miscellaneous Stuff Time:

I've been stuck in the house the entire week taking care of my two little sisters.

I can't eat any of the stuff I used to enjoy eating, I mean I had one fracking caramel macchiato on Sunday night and it's like I'm convulsing on the floor in Barnes and Noble.

Nothing good ever comes on TV when you actually have the time to watch it and that pisses me off.

Monkeyfuck: Lighting a cigarette from an already lit bud. According to Urban Dictionary. Searched it because of an episode from "United States of Tara".

Worst. Vacation. Ever.